Threesome Rules

Threesome Rules

By Chris Ford

Threesome rules to follow
There's a whole lot of information on how to arrange a threesome, but there's very little about what you should do once you're in one.

Threesomes are not like regular sex -- they require both imagination and sensitivity. If you plan on having a threesome, you need to go into the situation with some idea of what you're going to be doing, you need some threesome rules.

Understanding these basic threesome rules will help you avoid some common mistakes that typically prevent you from getting the most out of your ménage à trois. There are various types of threesomes that you can enjoy, but we're betting that you're hoping for the type with two women, one of whom is likely your bisexual or bi-curious girlfriend or wife. What follows are the basic threesome rules on how to handle such a delectable, and potentially sticky, sexual situation.

Threesome Rule No.1
Establish the rules

You're going to have sex with two women and all three of you have your own rules and limits, so understanding and respecting one another's comfort levels should be a top priority when you're establishing your threesome rules.

Because your relationship with your woman will likely be affected by this new experience, you need to be absolutely clear on which acts she's comfortable with -- and what to avoid doing -- in advance. She may tell you that she's uncomfortable with the idea of you penetrating another woman or even pleasing another woman orally.

You must respect her limits. Remember that each woman may suddenly feel jealous, so try your best not to shut either woman out and always give more attention to the woman with whom you have a relationship -- this is an extremely important threesome rule.

As well, you may end up feeling jealous if you're not the center of attention. Just keep in mind that the object of the game is to share sex between three people.

Also, remember that although some people try to drink their way to bravery for a threesome, drunken sex usually ends up being bad sex. If you want to have a cocktail or two to loosen up, that's fine, but no more. You want to be at peak performance.

Threesome Rule No.2

Be as giving as you can
Although you may be hoping that the two women will give you 100% of their attention, the truth is that they're there to please each other just as much as they're there to please you. You may end up feeling ignored and should do your best to get over it.

The best way to approach this situation, and an important threesome rule to follow, is to forget your feelings for a moment and try to be as generous with your hands and mouth as you can.

Pleasure in one-on-one sex goes back and forth, but in a threesome it's more of a cycle that moves from person to person. So be patient; focus on turning both women on and the attention will come back to you.

Whatever pleasure you get in a threesome is a treat, so instead of expecting anything in particular (like getting oral sex from both women at once), enjoy everything that comes your way.

Threesome rule No.3

Keep yourself busy
When you find that both women are busy pleasuring each other and you have nothing to do, keep yourself busy. Take matters into your own hands and find something to do.

Caress the breasts, thighs or vagina(s) of one or both women, kiss their backs or necks, or give oral sex to one if she's in a position that allows you to (believe us, this will redirect attention toward you in a hurry).

If you decide instead just to pleasure yourself for a little while, don't feel bad; the action will come back to you soon enough.

Threesome Rule No.4

Be careful with penetration
Penetration is what novelist Tom Robbins calls "that old show-stopper." It automatically forms a serious bond between you and one woman, leaving the other out. For this reason, penetrate only when you're sure both women are comfortable with it.

Your natural inclination will be to pay close attention to the woman you're having sex with, but you mustn't focus on her entirely. This is about the three of you, so keep that ideal close at hand. Kiss and touch the other woman, look her in the eye, and talk to her if the mood is appropriate.

Be aware that you may feel overwhelmed with pleasure if you're thrusting into one woman and kissing and caressing another, meaning that you might climax more quickly than expected. Take it slowly and pace yourself.

And don't get so excited that you lose track of the women: All three of you should be sexually satisfied and, even if you achieve climax first, you must do everything you can to bring your two partners to orgasm.

Threesome Rule No.5

Be safe
Condoms are a necessity, obviously. Semen, vaginal fluid and menstrual blood transmit STDs, so use one specific hand to pleasure one specific woman and use the other hand on the other woman -- and keep it that way. You must never alternate.

Likewise, if you're having intercourse with both women, you must also use a separate condom with each partner. As well, dental dams are a good precaution for oral sex. Lubricate the side that you place against a woman's skin for better sensation.

About Virginity

The Lying Virgin

For some lucky women, the vagina shrinks back to its original size if they don't have sex for a while, and the next time they do engage in carnal activity, they bleed. Now does that make them virgins? I don't think so. But that's not what I'm referring to; I'm talking about the women who feel that they have to lie as though not being virgins somehow implies that they're not good women.

In today's world, finding a virgin is as common as seeing Britney Spears in a turtleneck. So why do some women insist on fibbing and saying they are when they're not? That'll probably remain a mystery considering there are a multitude of reasons available. It's funny because it seems that gentlemen are no longer searching for virgins, but rather nice girls who have their head screwed on straight and have a wild streak behind closed doors.

And in hindsight, would men prefer a woman who just lay there and let him do everything because she's "never done this before," or would he prefer a girl who has experience and can ride him like a cowboy (given that she hasn't bedded the town and the farm animals)? You be the judge.

Secondary Virginity

If there's ever been an oxymoron that blew me away, this one is it. The point of virginity is that once it's gone, it's gone for good. And no matter how long a woman waits, it's not coming back. So these women that say that they've had sex in the past, but now want to wait until they're married before having sex again are really in a league of their own.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until marriage, but let's call it something different, shall we? How about, "it didn't feel good the first time" or "I made a big mistake?" It's definitely not virginity at the secondary, elementary, or even sedentary level for that matter.

If you met a woman and she told you that she has had sex in the past but won't have it again until she's married, wouldn't you be a little miffed that another guy got the goods and yet you can't? I would certainly feel a tinge of anger at the notion if my man wouldn't let me get at the goods that his former girlfriend had full access to. But that's just me.

Is She A Virgin?

By Vanessa Burton
Women's Sexuality Correspondent - Every other Tuesday

After many heated debates, I thought I'd finally touch upon a topic that may help men realize that what used to connote being a virgin has somehow become quite distorted. What we've managed to do to virginity would be like rewording the Ten Commandments so that everyone feels that they haven't really committed any sins.

So there seems to be levels of virginity nowadays. There's the "never been touched" virgin and the "I've been poked everywhere but there" virgin. Perhaps you've been lucky enough to have busted a cherry or two in your day, or maybe you hooked up with a virgin who would basically do everything but have vaginal intercourse with you. Whatever the case, today's article is dedicated to uncovering the counterfeit virgins.

extra, extra virgin

Virgin in the dictionary is defined as, "being in a pure or natural state; unsullied. Unused, uncultivated, or unexplored." Nowadays it seems that the only virgins left are our spayed and neutered domestic pets, and even they still get excited around the opposite sex.

But nevertheless, if you do happen to come across a unicorn, I mean a virgin, and she has never gone beyond kissing a man, let alone performed any oral ordeals, then she is a genuine, honest to goodness virgin. Now, whether or not you have the patience to wait around until she's ready to let you play around her privates with your slinky is a whole other matter altogether.

But be careful, no woman ever forgets her first, not necessarily because it was such an incredible experience, but rather because she let that person take something that she can never get back. Virginity is prized by most and women who are willing to give it to you habitually have a hard time letting go if things aren't working out.

extra virgin

If your woman has had a couple of boyfriends but has never been prodded in any orifices, then she too can be considered a virgin, but with a twist. Perhaps a couple of guys have managed to caress her breasts and perhaps even given them a lick or two, but that's still pretty tame compared to today's world of bestiality and S&M.

If you're patient and think that she may be the one -- or more importantly, she thinks you're the one, then you may be the lucky guy that gets to delve into her uncharted waters. You and she can explore things and if she has been dying to unleash the beast within, then your sexual compatibility may lie within her (so to speak).

experimental virgin

Now, onto the juicy part. There are those women that believe that if they perform oral sex on every boyfriend they've ever had, and let him get his fingers sticky every now and then, that they're still virgins. Now they may bleed a bit the first time they have sex, but are they really virgins?

They have experience. I mean if she just lies there the first time you insert your member, but can play the flute on your instrument like she's written symphonies, has she really maintained her purity? At what point do we draw the line? When has the line between purity and experience been crossed?

I personally don't think that a girl who can inhale a kielbasa like it's a toothpick necessarily connotes the virgin type. If virginity lies in a hole and is not about experience, then our society has a very warped definition of what virginity really is.

Is She A Virgin?

Extra, Extra Virgin

Virgin in the dictionary is defined as, "being in a pure or natural state; unsullied. Unused, uncultivated, or unexplored." Nowadays it seems that the only virgins left are our spayed and neutered domestic pets, and even they still get excited around the opposite sex.

But nevertheless, if you do happen to come across a unicorn, I mean a virgin, and she has never gone beyond kissing a man, let alone performed any oral ordeals, then she is a genuine, honest to goodness virgin. Now, whether or not you have the patience to wait around until she's ready to let you play around her privates with your slinky is a whole other matter altogether.

But be careful, no woman ever forgets her first, not necessarily because it was such an incredible experience, but rather because she let that person take something that she can never get back. Virginity is prized by most and women who are willing to give it to you habitually have a hard time letting go if things aren't working out.


Extra virgin

If your woman has had a couple of boyfriends but has never been prodded in any orifices, then she too can be considered a virgin, but with a twist. Perhaps a couple of guys have managed to caress her breasts and perhaps even given them a lick or two, but that's still pretty tame compared to today's world of bestiality and S&M.

If you're patient and think that she may be the one -- or more importantly, she thinks you're the one, then you may be the lucky guy that gets to delve into her uncharted waters. You and she can explore things and if she has been dying to unleash the beast within, then your sexual compatibility may lie within her (so to speak).


Experimental Virgin

Now, onto the juicy part. There are those women that believe that if they perform oral sex on every boyfriend they've ever had, and let him get his fingers sticky every now and then, that they're still virgins. Now they may bleed a bit the first time they have sex, but are they really virgins?

They have experience. I mean if she just lies there the first time you insert your member, but can play the flute on your instrument like she's written symphonies, has she really maintained her purity? At what point do we draw the line? When has the line between purity and experience been crossed?

I personally don't think that a girl who can inhale a kielbasa like it's a toothpick necessarily connotes the virgin type. If virginity lies in a hole and is not about experience, then our society has a very warped definition of what virginity really is.


The Anal Incubator

Believe it or not, there are gals out there who will let you get into their anal canals, but will still aver that they are virgins. Carnal desires are natural, but anal sex, as well as oral sex (despite what Clinton says), has the word "sex" attached to it because that's exactly what it is. And once you have sex, you are no longer a virgin. Case closed.

So these women are under the illusion that as long as their vaginas remain untouched by the almighty penis, they can still claim to be pure. Pure crud, that is. And if men seem to think that this is a viable argument, then they're just horny and have no qualms about taking the back way in.


The Lying Virgin

For some lucky women, the vagina shrinks back to its original size if they don't have sex for a while, and the next time they do engage in carnal activity, they bleed. Now does that make them virgins? I don't think so. But that's not what I'm referring to; I'm talking about the women who feel that they have to lie as though not being virgins somehow implies that they're not good women.

In today's world, finding a virgin is as common as seeing Britney Spears in a turtleneck. So why do some women insist on fibbing and saying they are when they're not? That'll probably remain a mystery considering there are a multitude of reasons available. It's funny because it seems that gentlemen are no longer searching for virgins, but rather nice girls who have their head screwed on straight and have a wild streak behind closed doors.

And in hindsight, would men prefer a woman who just lay there and let him do everything because she's "never done this before," or would he prefer a girl who has experience and can ride him like a cowboy (given that she hasn't bedded the town and the farm animals)? You be the judge.


Secondary Virginity

If there's ever been an oxymoron that blew me away, this one is it. The point of virginity is that once it's gone, it's gone for good. And no matter how long a woman waits, it's not coming back. So these women that say that they've had sex in the past, but now want to wait until they're married before having sex again are really in a league of their own.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until marriage, but let's call it something different, shall we? How about, "it didn't feel good the first time" or "I made a big mistake?" It's definitely not virginity at the secondary, elementary, or even sedentary level for that matter.

If you met a woman and she told you that she has had sex in the past but won't have it again until she's married, wouldn't you be a little miffed that another guy got the goods and yet you can't? I would certainly feel a tinge of anger at the notion if my man wouldn't let me get at the goods that his former girlfriend had full access to. But that's just me.


Why is it important?

What makes women feel that they still have to claim that they are chaste even if they're not? Is virginity still as prized as it once was or has our society become oversexed and numbed by the media?

Obviously there are some very virtuous women who may or may not be virgins, but that's not what's important. What's important is finding someone who is not just compatible on the communicative, intelligent and attractive levels, but on a sexual level as well.

So find yourself a woman who makes your heart (among other things) pulsate and enjoy your time with her. And always wear a condom, even if she's a "virgin."

Fantasy can lead to reality

Some of these female sex fantasies may have little chance of progressing to reality with your woman, but some have more potential than you may realize. A little bit of coaxing can go a long way in terms of spicing things up in the bedroom. Ask her which of these top 10 female sex fantasies she finds most appealing, and see if she’s willing to experiment -- you may be surprised by her answer.

Please her with your finger techniques
Using your fingers on a woman's vagina can reap amazing results -- given that you use the right finger techniques. Of course, it's up to you to figure out exactly what your particular woman prefers when it comes to speed, tempo and amount of fingers.

So, today's tip is offering up a bunch of finger techniques that most women will love. Before you get to work, however, there's one thing that's certain: A woman needs to be revved up and ready to go before you can manipulate her vagina with these finger techniques. You can't just shove your fingers inside her or rub her clitoris without ensuring arousal first. So, remember to turn her on before you introduce her to your hands.

Here are some finger techniques that will surely press all her right pleasure buttons.

The rubber

The clitoris is the place to stimulate for most women. When she's adequately self-lubricated, or you've put some water-based lube on your fingers, use the tips of your index and middle fingers to rub her clitoris softly in a circular motion. Her reaction will let you know that you're on to something. Continue your pace and slowly begin to increase speed. At no point, however, should you go so fast that you end up losing focus.

If she yells out something like "Don't stop!" then don't stop. Some women, however, like it when you take a break from the clitoris and proceed to insert those very same fingers inside the vagina at a rhythmic pace. Take cues from her reactions to see if she's one of these women.

The fastest finger

Does your woman prefer to have slow, exaggerated sex, or does she like to hop up and down on you like a bunny? If it's the latter, using your middle finger to go in and out of her at high speeds may be beneficial in the orgasm department.

For this finger technique, you'd be best served to position yourself in front of her vagina (that is, spread her legs open and kneel in between them). That way, you can keep your hand straight and ensure that your finger(s) is (are) going in at full capacity. It also lessens the chances of missing your target.

The helping hand

If you can manage to use both hands at different tempos, she'll keep getting wetter. While using the tips of your fingers on one hand to rub her clitoris in a circular motion, use the index and middle fingers of the other hand to glide in and out of her vagina. The multiple sensations will serve to increase her chances of reaching orgasm. It's not a race, however; you don't have to go as fast as humanly possible. Just keep a steady rhythm. If she wants it faster, she'll let you know.

The screw

In the spirit of the "fastest finger" technique, you'll need to use your index and middle fingers for this one. Again, sit between her legs and start off with the palm of your hand facing down. Insert your fingers all the way in, then turn your hand so that your palm is facing up and comes out. Repeat it as often as necessary until she reaches orgasm.

Tip: When you turn your hand so that your palm faces up, tap her clitoris with your thumb each time.

The G-spot indicator

Sitting in front of her with your palm facing up, insert your finger(s) inside her and make a "come hither" motion. Your objective is to try to tap her belly button from the inside, in effect, hitting her G-spot. Don't get aggressive right away, however. Start off slowly and, judging by her reaction, keep the same pace or increase speed.

The shocker

If you and your woman enjoy experimenting and you've explored the back end before, this one may be quite enjoyable for her. While you're using your index and middle fingers in her vagina, stick your pinkie finger in her anus (your hand must be sideways -- that is, your palm would be facing her thigh). While you go in and out, both holes will be stimulated simultaneously.

Keep in mind that after you place a finger into her anus, you cannot place that same finger into her vagina -- it may lead to an infection.

The slider

This finger technique needs good lubrication. With your index and middle fingers, start off by placing the tips of your fingers on either side of her clitoris, then glide down and make your way inside her vagina. Get back to where you started and keep repeating this maneuver.

Can't put my finger on it

Manipulating the vagina to orgasm is not as difficult as you may think. Once you manage to arouse her mind, her body will follow. And of course, you should encourage her to be vocal about what she likes.

Until next time, keep those fingers neat and trim, and show her what you can do with them.

Top 10 Female Sex Fantasies

Check out these top 10 female sex fantasies:

If you think women don’t sit around fantasizing about very naughty things, think again. Women are experts when it comes to dreaming up the sauciest of fantasies, and they don’t bother limiting themselves to the traditional. The top 10 female sex fantasies cover everything from fetish to threesomes, and you may be surprised to know that many women want to do more than just fantasize. Some women spend just as much time hoping their men will help put their female sex fantasies into practice. Sound interesting? Read on: we'll give you the inside scoop on the top 10 female sex fantasies, and what she’s really daydreaming about when you least expect it.

Number 10
Domination (her dominating you)

Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset -- but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. One of the top 10 female fantasies involves tying you down to a bed while she forces you to pleasure her with your tongue; the entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man in the process. What more could she want?

Number 9
Domination (you dominating her)

The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy. It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down, thrusting her thighs apart with your knee and penetrating her as savagely as you possibly can. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned -- if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism.
Number 8
Teacher/student
You’ll be thrilled to know that the Britney Spears fantasy isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further, playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown women fantasize about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.

Number 7
Sex with a stranger

Most women wouldn’t have the chutzpah to act out this top 10 female sex fantasy, but you’d better believe that most have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about it. No-strings-attached sex is something many women would love to experience, but most are dissuaded from it thanks to a lofty load of self-produced guilt. Nevertheless, her panties definitely get wet at the idea of a gorgeous male approaching her in a dark, smoky bar and taking her back to his room for a long, hot night of wild sex. This female sex fantasy appeals to her naughtiest side -- the kinky one that rarely sees the light of day, thanks to a lifetime of religious and societal conditioning.

Number 6
Threesome with another woman

These days, it’s fairly common for straight women to get down with other women now and again, making this top 10 female sex fantasy a not-so-unrealistic possibility. That being said, this threesome fantasy rarely involves you getting playtime with the second hottie, as most girlfriends do not want to see their man touch another woman. In this scenario, you’re meant to play voyeur until your woman is ready for something more hardcore. This allows her to experience the best of both worlds without having to worry about things like jealousy or sharing.

Number 5
Threesome with two men

This top 10 female sex fantasy involves the woman being worshipped and adored by two gorgeous men. These men are typically heterosexual and, therefore, only interested in the woman -- which translates into a whole lot of action for her. Her sex fantasy might be as innocent as being penetrated by one man while performing oral sex on the other or it might go further, drawing on more hardcore aspects such as double penetration and the like. This female sex fantasy is the ultimate taboo for many women, which makes it all the more fun to imagine.

Number 4
Voyeurism

If you think women don’t enjoy watching other people get it on, you’re completely mistaken. Your woman likes to watch for the same reasons you do: it’s erotic, exhilarating and slightly taboo. She may fantasize about peeping through the neighbor’s bedroom window, spying on a kinky couple in the park or even catching a full-on orgy from the sidelines. Believe it when we tell you she enjoys "watching" just as much as you do; it allows to her be naughty without getting her hands dirty, so to speak.


Female sex fantasies are real, and you could be part of one tonight


Number 3
Rape

As mentioned in our Common Female Fantasies article, rape is a massively popular fantasy among women. Most psychologists believe this top 10 female sex fantasy allows a woman to have the wild, dirty sex she craves, without having to suffer the guilt that often follows. These female sex fantasies usually involve a gorgeous man carrying her off to his bedroom and quickly getting down to business. She’ll protest as he tears her clothing off and expertly arouses her body, but on the inside, she’ll love every minute of it. This continues to the point of penetration, and leads her to an incredible orgasm despite her earlier protests. This female sex fantasy allows a woman to be wanton and enjoy sex -- something society rarely permits.

Number 2
Exhibitionism

She might cringe when you bring up the topic of making homemade porn flicks, but your woman has probably fantasized about doing precisely that at one time or another. Unfortunately, most women are far too body-conscious to experiment with such things, making this a top 10 female sex fantasy, as opposed to a reality. Believe it or not, some women even take this desire to the next level, fantasizing about others watching as you shag her silly in a public place.

Number 1
Private dancer

Most women wouldn’t have the nerve to strip in a public setting, but this top 10 female sex fantasy definitely involves taking it all off. She loves the idea of tantalizing you with a striptease, and she’d love to give you a private lap dance. Why? Your enjoyment tells her you find her attractive, and your erection tells her she has control -- a potent combination that women simply can’t get enough of.

Wearing her Vagina out

Question:

My girlfriend is happy with my size and performance, but she has said that sometimes when we make love too often (more than once a day or even a few times within a week) her vagina feels "beat." She also has shown me that she tends to rip around the edges/outside of her vagina (also saying that it stings). Is this my fault? Can I help her? Can she do something? Is it normal for women to experience this "ripping?"

Answer:
Since you’re the one poking around down there, I’d have to say that you’re partly responsible for her vagina feeling “beat.” This could be happening for a variety of reasons, the two main ones being that there might not be enough lubrication during sex, causing ripping or soreness, and that sex might last too long, in which case chafing may occur.

Let’s explore the first option: Next time you have sex, try applying a water-based lubricant to the area. If lack of lubrication is indeed the problem, this solution should reduce any uncomfortable friction and prevent any painful tearing.

As for the second option: If sex lasts too long, continuous rubbing on one spot can cause discomfort in the form of chafing, ripping and even bleeding. My recommendation is that you change positions frequently during the course of lovemaking. While the spot of insertion is the same, the angle of penetration varies with different positions, lessening the likelihood of constantly rubbing the same spot.
You can also take measures to reduce the length of the lovemaking session. For example, try masturbating frequently in order to practice gaining better control over the length of orgasm and time of ejaculation.